First Date

     Gene had met her on an online dating website that he had been using off and on since college. Every once in a while he would get stressed out about being single and he would hop back on this site to try to date. He would message three or four girls a day for about a week and it would make him feel better, it felt like he was doing something. Inevitably,  none of the girls would get back to him and he would get discouraged and bitter and stop using the site again.

     This pattern seemed to be going no differently during his most recent foray into the online dating world. He had gone through a week of messaging people every night, but he had gotten nothing back. After whispering something dismissive to himself, he stopped sending out messages.

     He did keep checking the site for a few day after.

     “Just logging on to make sure no one messaged me.” He would tell himself, secretly expecting there to be a hundred messages waiting for him. But this time, someone had actually messaged him back.

     Her name was Caroline, and she was one of the girls that he had been really excited about, one that he had really hoped would message him back. He liked all of the books and movies she listed as being 'in to', and even the tone of the writing was appealing. She seemed confident and funny.

     So Gene tried not to waste any time and set up a date with Caroline for that weekend. He suggested a little restaurant in the city and she quickly accepted. He had been there before. It was a small place, the lighting was low, the food was decent, and the atmosphere had always stuck him as great for a date.

     On the night of the date, Gene got to the restaurant about twenty minutes early, so he grabbed a table and ordered a beer. While he sat with his beer he thought about the date, and how he barely knew this girl. When he had made the date, he figured that the hard part was over, but sitting in the restaurant he realized that it had just begun. He ordered another drink.

     Caroline finally arrived, on time, and she sat down with him. She looked nice and Gene was sure to let her know. She reciprocated and they continued into basic date conversation: “Where are you from?” “Cats or dogs?” There would be brief but torturous gaps of silence between each topic. Each time someone would say something to keep the conversation going, but each gap was scary.

     As the night went on, Gene realized that he would need to use the bathroom. He had had a few beers and a few waters sitting here. Drinking something was a great way to fill in the gaps in a conversation because it seemed like the gap was because of the drinking rather than the lack of things to talk about.

     Urinating usually wasn't a problem for Gene, but he wanted to look good on the date and if going to awful frat parties in college was any indication, peeing was a sign of weakness in 'man world'. Would she think he was weak for peeing? She was pretty, he was trying his hardest to be charming, would urinating ruin this somehow?

     Gene let the conversation return to the inevitable awkward silence between topics to excuse himself and go to the bathroom, weakness be damned. It was a relief to pee, but after a minute or so, Gene realized he had been in the bathroom for a little while now.

     If he kept peeing like this, she would think he was shitting. That seemed much worse, and Gene cut his bladder off short, leaving the bathroom half full, but in a reasonable amount of time. Why ruin a first date with an implied bowel movement?

     The night went on, Gene still had to pee, but he was able to ignore it through the end of the night. The train ride home would be bad, but at least he wouldn't lose any more face. They walked back to the train station.

     “I had a great time.” Gene said, wondering if he should put his arm around her as they walked. “We should do this again. And then some more times after that.” He smiled at his joke and looked to Caroline.

     “Yeah,” there was a silence. “I would love to, but I'm actually seeing someone right now.” Gene didn't stop walking.

     “Oh, okay.” He didn't remember what her relationship status was on the site, but who the hell goes on a dating website if they are already in a relationship? He was buzzed enough to want to scream this at her in the middle of the street. “Well, you should continue you seeing that person then.”

     “We could still hang out, I just wanted you to know that.”

     Gene had been down that road before. He wanted to yell at her and call her mean words, but he knew it wouldn't change anything, and he had felt defeated anyway. “That's okay, I think I'm all set.” 

     On the way home, Gene thought that maybe he could have just been her friend, and then dated her when she broke up with her boyfriend, which he imagined wasn't far off. He thought about this, but he was tired of chasing unavailable girls. If they had met differently, if their first interaction wasn't on a dating site, if the first time he saw her in person wasn't on their first date, then things might have been different. Gene didn't mind being friends with girls, but being friends with this one would make him feel even more pathetic.